How to Be an Average Basketball Player: The Definitive Guide to Mediocrity
If you’re tired of hearing about all the grind, hustle, and dedication it takes to become great at basketball, then this is the article for you. We’re here to show you exactly how to be the most average hooper on the court. Ready to be the king of mediocre? Let’s go.
1. Go to Bed Late — Every. Single. Night.
Who needs sleep? You’re not LeBron, right? Stay up all night scrolling through TikTok, binge-watching Netflix, and playing Fortnite until your eyes bleed. Who cares if sleep is when your body recovers and your mind sharpens? Being average is about hitting snooze on greatness.
2. Eat Whatever You Want — Fuel Your Inner Couch Potato
You know those meal preps filled with grilled chicken, broccoli, and brown rice? Yeah, forget all that. Go ahead and chow down on pizza, chips, and soda. You’re not trying to have the stamina to last four quarters. Plus, who needs energy when you can just fake an injury to get out of drills?
3. Skip Extra Workouts — Practice Is Enough, Right?
Those guys staying after practice to get extra shots up? Overrated. Let’s be real — why put in extra work when you can just coast through regular practice? It’s not like the best players are the ones who work the hardest, right? You’re already doing the bare minimum. No plan. Keep it up!
4. Never Watch Film — Trust Your Vibes
Game film? Analysis? Nah. Why waste time learning from your mistakes when you can just keep making the same ones over and over again? It’s not like the top players study their opponents’ tendencies or break down their own footage to get better. Just go with the flow. Vibes over victories, every time.
5. Avoid Skill Development — Just Play Pick-Up
You know those kids dribbling through cones, working on their weak hand, and practicing game scenarios? Clowns. Real mediocre players know that playing a few pick-up games a week is enough. Why bother working with a trainer or hitting the gym on your own? Stay comfortable and stay average. Don’t get an player assessment.
6. Play More Video Games Than You Play Hoop
Why hit the court when you can hit the sticks? Spend hours perfecting your jump shot on NBA 2K instead of working on the real thing. Sure, you’re dropping 50 points a game virtually, but your real-life stats? Straight-up average. Just remember, the only way to stay mediocre is to keep that controller glued to your hands.
Bonus Tip: Blame Everyone Else
When you’re consistently average, it’s never your fault. Blame the coach for not playing you enough. Blame your teammates for not passing you the ball. Blame your shoes for not being the latest signature sneaker. Just remember, self-accountability is for the elite — and you’re here to be average.
So, there you have it. The ultimate blueprint to mediocrity. Follow these five steps religiously and you’ll be the most forgettable player on the court in no time. Keep striving for less — greatness is overrated anyway.
